How I overcame a slow start to my career
By Tan Yi Ming • 3 minute read
Photo by Marten Bjork on Unsplash
I felt lost. Four years of hard work and graduating with first class honours had culminated in nothing. As I saw my peers’ transition to high flying jobs, I was left to wonder how I ended up unable to secure something similar. An average job, as a last backup option, was all that I was able to muster. Why was I unable to land something better? Wasn't it the law of Karma that if you worked hard, you would reap the benefits?
A sense of shame creeped in whenever my friends and I talked about our jobs. I could no longer relate, and found myself receding into the shadows, dreading my turn to share. My work felt insignificant in comparison to theirs, and I found myself rushing through the details, eager to change the subject.
My confidence diminished and I began to feel a loss of self-worth. Reflections turned into anger, as I was frustrated at my failure and inability to match up to those who were once my equals. Fear crept in, too, as I began feeling anxious about my future.
"Whatever is not yours: let go of it. Your letting go of it will be for your long-term happiness and benefit," said the Buddha.
Having an average job did have a silver lining. There was more time I could spend outside of work because there was less requirement for overtime. Weekends were mostly free, and I found time to take a step back, and ponder the real purpose of the rat-race I had so readily flung myself at.
The extra time gave me an opportunity to further reflect on why I felt such pain. Why did I label myself a failure when my career had just started? Was I depriving myself of a chance at redemption, and the opportunity to prove that I could step out of this stronger?
During periods of self-introspection and scrolling through self-help articles, a wise teaching resonated strongly with me: "Attachment is the root of suffering." Was I too attached to the thought that I deserved something better? Was I too attached to the thought that I should be earning more? Was I too attached to the thought that my job determined my happiness, success and self-worth?
I began to see that these self-entitling thoughts were the true causes of my sadness. I had expected things to go a certain way, and when they did not, I was disappointed. Life does not always go the way you want, and what I needed to learn was how to let go. To let go of my attachments, expectations, ego, and feelings of self-entitlement.
I chose to let go by focusing on the process instead of the results. I chose to let go by cherishing what I had I learnt instead of what I was meant to receive. I chose to let go by celebrating the successes of others instead of being jealous. At gatherings, I chose to adopt a growth mindset, and listened attentively to what my peers had to share and noted down learning points that they had encountered at these high performing firms. When it came to my turn to share, I felt at ease and did not mind what others thought as I was content with my own development.
Putting these thoughts of attachment behind, I slowly felt new life and purpose seep into me. I felt free, reinvigorated and motivated to put my best foot forward to make the best of my situation. Being able to refocus at work really helped me. I decided to concentrate on the task at hand instead of being distracted by what I thought I deserved.
Slowly and steadily, my performance at work improved. I was rewarded with generous pay increments and promotions, which eventually paved the way for me to progress to another opportunity upwards on the career ladder.
Surprisingly, these achievements felt natural to me and I encountered little stress. Though I had set personal goals to achieve, I was not attached to the idea that I was expected to attain them. As long as I put in effort and did my best, the results were secondary and probably affected by factors that were beyond my control. It was more important that I recognised and felt satisfied with my efforts and personal development.
Learning about the causes of my suffering and letting go of attachments allowed me to be the best I could be. For that, I have my first job to thank.
