Taming my Fire on the Road
By Papa Leow • 3 minute readThe solution is simple: OMAK. Simply put, be understanding and grateful to others, regardless how they react.
“Easier said than done”. The solution is simple to speak of in theory. The crux lies in the PRACTICE. It is EXACTLY the Practice that I (and many) do not consciously do enough. We stop short of practising the good we all seem to know in theory, yet and thus am unable to apply them practically in evolving scenarios.
Recently, I was horned by a motorbike when I was driving. This was because I inched towards the broken white lines (see image) splitting the road lanes. The biker gave me a stern stare, and mouthed something (maybe cursing me, who knows?). Before I could raise my hands to show I was apologetic, he sped away.
Image from Internet: White broken lines
The me of years back would have raged in response. Vulgarities would have ensued. As time went by, I took the approach of “whatever”, or “who cares”, and got on with such incidents. There were also times that I simply could not care much, and went with the attitude of “oh well, who asked you to ride like this?”
I appeared to have coped fine with such “unhappiness” on the road, but I was not at peace with myself deep down. Every time it happened, it triggered a negative and incomplete closure in me.
It was not until after I actively practised OMAK that I gave myself the chance to step back, learn to be grateful starting from the smallest of things. This was how I gained more “zen” on the road, and in my life now.
Here’s how I reflect on and treat such incidents now, as I learn to be grateful to others, regardless of what they do.
Firstly, I did commit an error. My mis-attention could have caused an accident, or killed someone. Never mind that all road users should be defensive, or that bikers should not be lane splitting. I was at fault, period. To admit that one is wrong is probably the toughest, especially in the heat of things. But to be able to admit that I am wrong allowed me to take that first step back to reflect.
The Horn. I totally appreciated the tap of the horn by the biker. He helped me prevent an accident. He reminded me to pay attention to driving and adhere to my lane. It struck me, and kept me alert. I know that many do not like being horned at. However, once we manage to cross that tipping point and change our perspective, appreciate the good of it, the mentality and response of us towards it totally changes. How did I not see the good in his actions years ago? How did the focus on negative emotions, and lack of conscious practice to observe the good, drowned me in negativity all these while? With that, I totally welcome the use of horns on the road. More importantly, I reflected on the intention behind why we use our horns. Do we simply like to express our displeasure, or do we make good use of it to help keep everyone safe?
Potential Cursing by Biker. Deep down, he was likely intimidated by the error I created more than anything, and thus reacted accordingly in rage or resentment (as most would). How could I blame him for being upset? He too has his family, his loved ones, and who knows what difficult times he might be going through in his life right now? If we exchanged position, I would be upset too.
I am/was apologetic, even though biker did not get to see so. We humans are fallible. I am 100% sure that every road user would have made at least an error on the road in their life of commuting. There will be a myriad of reasons to our errors (complacency, fatigue, slip of mind, distraction, being ill, sunglare, poor judgement etc etc), but the one thing for sure is that I believe we would never go commuting with an intention to be a hazard to others (Some may not agree, and I can proof it logically). Because I acknowledge this, I am always ready to take a step back and choose the path of empathy. Because I do not have the ability to jump out of my vehicle to give a compassionate lecture to others even if they are completely wrong (even if I could they may not acknowledge still too), nor do anything constructive, the last thing I need to do is to take it out on myself. I choose to be apologetic, because it allows me to take a step back, and calm myself down. It helps to prevent the next rage from being fuelled.
I am a rider myself. For I have been in his position, I can totally empathise. For I have walked the path of a motorbike rider, I can totally feel him. When I ride, I too, can empathise how drivers can make errors (of any sort). We all learn tough lessons from our own experience. However, the wisest people learn from the experience of those wiser than them, without having to go through the pain themselves. Start imagining and putting ourselves in the shoes of others. It makes us more appreciative, and definitely more thorough and open with our view points =D
We do not need to be in (theoretically impossible anyway) others’ position to be able to understand. We can however, put ourself in other’s shoes and visualise the most compassionate reason for their errors, be grateful, always putting others before self, and resolve our own emotions. Until the day it becomes a natural response from us, keep trying =D
I would not say I can OMAK everytime and immediately in the very moment when such incidents unfold. When I can, I rejoice at my success in taming my immediate reaction. When I cannot, I will always reflect and correct my negativity, apply above mentioned mentality, and I am peaceful again usually within few minutes of that drive.
Always choose the path of being understanding, and being appreciative. Because anger NEVER solves anything at the end of the day. I witnessed first hand of how my life have improved, if I put in the effort to step back, reflect, and apply the right mentality to our lives.
P.S Remember that what we perceive of others, will be a reflection of how we are ourselves. The next time we think negative of others, reflect on what it means about the kind of person we are deep down.
