Patience (Part 2)

By Goh Siqi   •   6 minute read

Continuing from Part 1 where we elucidated the definition and benefits of patience, we will now contemplate some contentious yet imperative case studies. These familiar case studies, however prevalent they may be, lay bare the chasm between our (at times) erroneous actions and what is deemed morally correct. Let us learn from Venerable Jonathan and the two hosts what we can/should do when faced with situations that challenge our patience. 

There are two scenarios: Emotions and Workload 

EMOTIONS

Scenario 1: Faced incessant nagging from your parents

Afflictions arise easily- exemplified by the emergence of frustration and annoyance when being nagged. These unhealthy feelings reeved up in us naturally, don’t you feel so? If no, rejoice in you! You are on the way to supreme patience! Listen, unless we make a conscientious effort to practice patience, our afflictions are here to stay. Torment is only what you will get. 

When we are being nagged incessantly, what we need to ponder is the reason behind those nagging. At home, our parents nag at us because they are concern about us. Parents go through the extra mile to hone and groom us. They want the best in us. They want us to be tidy; to be responsible; to have a healthy lifestyle. After contemplation, let us subdue our frustration and practice patience. There is no justification to be mad at them because their intention is nothing but pure and virtuous. However, if there is a misunderstanding, as Nicholas said, hear their nagging through and respect them. After their nagging, explain to them your views. Clear up doubts and confusion. Not only will you become pleasant-looking, but you will also attain a good relationship, a happy family, and happy life!

Scenario 2: Friends took your belongings without your permission

Like Zhi Hao said, what is the point of being angry? Does being angry solve the problem? Does it make you happier? The answer is simple: No. Save your punches and profanity; it is not worthy to use it on such trivial issues. Instead, let’s be gentlewomen and gentleman. There could be a reason behind your friend’s rash act. If he has some difficulties, embraced him and work towards a solution. The benefits are immense. You will save a friendship and change the person for the better. This will last for lifetimes, even longer than your belongings. After all, we also need to take a look at the topic of Karma. It is possible that we did the exact same thing to others as well. 

In this scenario, Venerable Jonathan emphasised that belongings are part of attachments. We place an unhealthy value on such materialistic goods. If this value is high, frantic yearning will be rampant. And because we cling to it too fervently, once lost, our exasperation rises. We may rage, break ties with our friends or resort to physical assault. As one of the three mental poisons, Attachment will create more psychological and mental stress. As we now know that those goods guarantee a corrosive nature to our mental state, we try not to cling to them too much. 

Scenario 3: Abuse

Again, this could be due to the ripening of karmic bonds. When faced with assault -- be it on us or on others -- revenge is not a good way to solve the problem. It is easy to retaliate with physical fights but that would set grave karma and hurt others.  Reporting to the police would be the righteous method.  We should see this situation as a good opportunity to practice patience. Allow the person to calm down and develop the patience of disregarding harm done towards you. Not only will you resolve bad karmic bonds, but you will also reap the benefits of patience. 

WORKLOAD

Scenario 1: Irresponsible teammates

In a team, everyone plays a part. That is what teamwork is for. But the power of teamwork falls apart if just one member fails to contribute. The whole experience can culminate into a nasty one. Discordant may happen and projects are delayed. In Buddhism, how should we approach such issues? If you are a leader, assign the task evenly to your teammates according to their capability. If one fails to contribute, understand the problems that impede them. Is it family problems, stress? If they continue to feign innocent, patience is requisite. After all, projects are needed for submission. If one doesn’t do their task, someone has to fill the void. In previous Ventalk, we talk about the patience of accepting suffering. Suffering is abhorrent. When faced with obstacles, it is easy to cower with fear. However, we shouldn’t see retreat as an option. I’m sure many of us have seen Marvel shows. I shall take “Avengers: End Game” as a perfect epitome. In the movie, Iron Man- who was already severely wounded-did not relinquish. Where there is suffering and pain, his perfect courage and strength did not stop him. Just like warriors entering a battle with the sight of their blood, we should also develop some courage in accepting suffering. In doing so, even great suffering becomes helpful. Likewise, don’t get frustrated with the additional workload, we should see it as a form of motivation. After completing the project, the sense of accomplishment is very rewarding. 

Scenario 2: Someone taking the credit for your own efforts

From a Karma perspective, the situation we faced is a result of our actions in the past. But there is no reason to feel disheartened because the future lies in your hands. Like the common aphorism: “You reap what you sow.” If you plant the right seeds, be sure to see the fruition. 

Venerable Jonathan explained that people and afflictions are two different equations. When someone takes credit for our hard work, we can be angry and prepare our punches. Yes, we can. In so doing, we will only see the originally harmless situation blow into disastrous havoc. Considering how afflictions can be uncontrolled, if we were to blame and scold others, they are more likely to retaliate. And the vicious cycle of hatred continues. As such, to keep the originally harmless situation peaceful, it is best to break the cycle at our end. The best we can do is to analyse the situation and accept it. 

Scenario 3: Receive accusations and you took the blame

This case study illustrates a scenario where a manager took the blame and was fired consequently as a result of an employee’s inadequacies. If you are the manager, how will you react? Venerable Jonathan and the host offer some great advice.  Like what Zhi Hao said, as a manager, one needs to make sure that employees have the capability to do the task before handing it to them. It would hence be a judgment problem if a manager fails to assign the work accordingly. Also, it is best to subdue our afflictions (anger, hatred) in such an unjust situation. Over here, Venerable Jonathan emphasised the corrosive nature of afflictions. People are self-cherishing (a mind that considers oneself to be precious and important). But however self-cherishing humans are, we sometimes resort to physical harm. Why is that so? The culprit is no other than afflictions. In other words, we are servants to afflictions.

 “When these beings are moved by strong afflictions, they will harm themselves. They will stop eating and even commit suicide” 

These afflictions cause us to harm ourselves and others. As such, do not capitulate to those devilish afflictions. Vanquishing afflictions prevent ourselves and others from danger. Accept the situation as it is and think positively.