Mother’s Love
My mum fell backwards on the floor while pregnant with me and all she cared for, was my safety and well-being even when I was an unborn child.
By Thousand Giselle • 5 minute read
A photo of my mum strolling with my siblings.
This incident happened 8 years ago, one faithful night when I made a big mistake and it wasn't the first time.
I was rude to Mum again. We were on the phone. Yes, overseas call. She was telling me about her worries. She mentioned certain books she read that inspired her that we should stop talking bad about Dad at his back, at the mean time we should appreciate him in order to overturn our fate. Yes, I agreed with my mum eventually.
But I interrupted, "I'm sorry mother, but I have to say this. I’ve discussed with younger brother about you and dad."
My mum got agitated. "You kids don't understand the difficulties we are facing, you should not judge us by our actions."
"But mum, wait... That's not what I meant... I was trying to convey..."
Before I could finished my sentence, I could feel that my mum was hurt. But I had no intention to upset her. I was trying to convey that Mum cares a lot about Dad, and Dad is also concerned about Mum. But in certain situations even when Dad or Mum seemed to be doing something neutral, from the children's perspective, we have no idea how the bicker started. In which sometimes, escalates in to a fervent quarrel. Maybe I was wrong to use this example to help my brother understand that: when our state of mind isn't clear, the things we see will turn out distorted, and thus lead to misjudgment.
Since Mum was sad, I knew she couldn't listen calmly. I got frustrated. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't do that, but I couldn't control myself.
Since I was mad, neither could I pay attention to her. Like what I've mentioned, when I am seized by afflictions, the outside world I see will turn out distorted. My mum was trying to show her concern to me, but I responded callously.
"I'm coming over to Taiwan at the end of the month, do you need anything?"
"Track shoes."
"Do you need a bicycle?"
"No. I have been walking for the past three years, and this is my last year.."
My replied was indifferent -- no grateful word, no excitement. Poor Mum! It was like a blustery wind blowing into her heart. In return, my heart was gutted with guilt! I'm an ingrate, I thought.
I often whine at my Mum on the unsatisfactory. That is a great sin. Can I be more rational and sensible? Mum has done so much for me. Since the moment she was conceived with me, she has never stopped doing her best to raise me up. Bringing up a child is tiring, and she brings up four. I should be more understanding, and give her a hand when she needs a break. Yet, I have been taking her for granted like a wishing tree to fulfil all my wishes.
I stopped by Alexis website again, a website I found interesting and beneficial because it documented the life-changing moments of a once rebel daughter turned thoughtful mum. As I read the earlier entries that were categorised under "Baby", I saw the love of a mother in her blogs. When she was expecting her baby, she began to research about pregnancy safe products, and the health of the baby is her prior concern.
As your mother, she protected you from all harm and provided you all benefit and happiness. Particularly in this lifetime she carried you for a long time in her womb. Then, when you were a helpless, newborn infant, she held you to the warmth of her flesh and bounced you on the tips of her ten fingers.
Lam Rim, Volume 2
It reminded me of my mother during her pregnancy. She slipped and fell backwards on the hard ground, and the first thing that comes to her mind was my safety. There are many medicines that a pregnant women cannot take, because they would affect the baby. So it took a longer time for my mum to recover. To date, the crack still remains on her skull! This is only one out of many examples that my mum sacrificed her life to protect me. There are too many examples. Every decision a mother makes, it is for the sake of her children.
I must remind myself of her kindness more often, and I must manifest my gratitude towards her.
I'm sorry Mum and thank you so much!
