Ticking Life's Checkboxes to Find Purpose
By Tan Yi Ming • 6.5 minute read
Get admitted into university - checked.
Graduate from university - checked.
Get a job - checked.
Get a promotion - checked.
I was updating my LinkedIn one day and following the website's formula to help my profile receive a full score. To do this, I had to ensure I provided information on my education, job experience, work-related courses, achievements, and certificates. Based on the LinkedIn score I received, my profile was rated highly and would stand out amongst my peers.
That was easy I thought… At my current age, it seemed that I was on the right track in life… at least according to LinkedIn…
… Wait. Wait a second. That's not right.
Why am I letting some website determine how successful I am in life?!
I think all of us have in one way or another fallen into this trap before. Whether it is from a website, an article, or conversations with friends and family (especially for those celebrating Chinese New Year), we always seem to think that there is a certain formula we must follow in order to be successful. Such stigma is not isolated to just education and career, but in many aspects of our lives.
Ah boy… You got a girlfriend already?
Ah boy… When are you getting married?
Bro! Have you bought HDB yet?
Our society gives the impression that we need to achieve certain milestones in order for us to be deemed successful. Though it is true that many of those who we see as successful have followed such a formula, have we ever stopped and reflected on what being successful actually means? What does it mean to be successful in life? Does it mean being able to earn lots of money, being a big boss, owning a condo, marrying the person you love? Is being successful our only purpose in life?
I too have been guilty of following that formula, ticking off achieved milestones, and striving to complete the subsequent set of checkboxes. Next up on my list seems to be getting a kid, or upgrading to a larger property. Currently, following the formula seems to have kept me more or less on the right track, ensuring that I am financially independent and able to live a relatively comfortable lifestyle.
However, have we ever asked, what happens when we finish ticking all those supposed checkboxes.? What's next? With my understanding of this widely accepted formula, the last few milestones seem to be retirement, having grandkids, receiving money back from CPF…
Most Singaporeans would be around the ages of 60-70 years old when they finish ticking all the remaining check boxes, though with life expectancy reaching close to 90 years old in Singapore, what would they use to guide them through the remaining 20-30 years of their lives? What more is there to achieve and strive for?
After ferociously chasing down each checkbox, trying to attain them at all cost, I am sure many in retirement will seem lost when there is no longer a specific goal to achieve and when there are no longer socially accepted checkboxes to guide them with what to do for the remainder of their lives.
It is no wonder many often feel a loss of purpose upon retirement. A 2018 study by Duke-NUS Medical School found that adults in Singapore who retired felt lonelier and experienced more depressive moods.
Weren't we supposed to feel happy after finishing ticking all the checkboxes? Weren't we supposed to be deemed successful if we completed society's formula? Why is it that many retirees feel the loss of zest and sense of purpose in life?
I guess that then raises the question of how many of us actually contemplate the purpose of our lives?
Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor, shared his key observation that those who had a deeper sense of purpose and meaning in life stood a higher chance to survive the Nazi concentration camps. Frankl himself had survived brutal years of torture, starvation, and depression. What had kept him alive was the hope to one day see his wife and family again, and also his newfound purpose to share his experiences and learnings from surviving the Holocaust. He credited this purpose for helping him to bear through the hardship and motivated him to stay alive.
After the fall of the Nazi regime, Frankl pursued his purpose, publishing his influential book Man's Search for Meaning which has since sold over 10 million copies. He believed that if one is able to find and understand his purpose, then he/she would thus be able to feel motivated and fulfilled in life. Ultimately, he wanted to help others understand the importance of finding their own purpose in life.
When we are in school or in the midst of our working careers, our purpose often seems clear as it has been defined by modern society. Getting good grades, or earning good money, with the ultimate goal of being successful and retiring comfortably. However, this purpose often gets murky after retirement with society leaving it on to ourselves to define our own meaning. Leaving this important topic to contemplate at such a late stage of life does not seem wise. After being so wired to think in a conventional sense for so long, is it possible to change our way of thinking at the late ages of 60/70? It is not easy to accept change and to transition away from what we find most habitual. Lastly, even if we do find a renewed sense of purpose, would we have enough time left and energy to pursue it?
Therefore, I strongly believe that we need to start finding a greater sense of purpose when we are still young. Something that can guide our lives even after retirement. We should start young, when our minds are still open to change and nimble enough to see from a variety of perspectives. Time will also be on our side as there will be many more years to work towards this purpose. It will also give us an opportunity to further refine this purpose after going through different experiences along the way.
As for me, I found my purpose through my religion, Buddhism. As Buddhists, our main aim is to end suffering for ourselves and all other sentient beings through the achievement of Nirvana and the attainment of Buddhahood. Though, with the concepts of rebirth and infinite lifetimes, we learn that achieving our ultimate goal may not be feasible in one life. Therefore in the present, we strive to strengthen our wisdom, accumulate merits and build our virtuous karma in order to earn a higher status rebirth in the next life. With a higher status rebirth, we will be able to build on the foundations established in our previous lives, and further excel along the path to Buddhahood.
Having this purpose has given me extra motivation to attend Buddhism classes and workshops even though I am tired after a long workday. I also ensure that I dedicate time to get involved in my Monastery's activities even though I could be out enjoying other more pleasurable pastimes. At work, I strive to not only tick checkboxes but to learn new things and pick up useful skills, so that during retirement, I can put these learnings to use and contribute effectively back to society through charitable means.
In essence, there is enough to keep me busy during retirement. With an endless trove of Buddhism knowledge I have yet to explore, and no shortage of charitable activities this world requires, I am sure there will be something for me to do.
Finally, finding a sense of purpose does not always have to stem from religion. Our late Minister Mentor, Lee Kuan Yew, found his purpose in ensuring the survival of Singapore and the betterment of lives for Singaporeans. He lived a fulfilling life and was very much active in serving his purpose long after stepping down formally as Prime minister.
I am quite sure the late MM had found his purpose quite early on in life.
Now the question is, have you started to find yours?
Want to find a purpose through Buddha’s eyes?
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References:
Duke NUS Mediacal School To Work or Not to Work - Retirement and Health Among Older Singaporeans https://www.duke-nus.edu.sg/docs/librariesprovider3/research-policy-brief-docs/to-work-or-not-to-work-retirement-and-health-among-older-singaporeans.pdf?sfvrsn=7f7d48c1_0
