When You Are Ready

By Papa Leow   •   3 minute read

So we are running late for an appointment. I’ve tried to “Enter his World” to assist the transition, used “say no to no” way of framing perspectives, reminded him that we pre-empted him the night prior about the event today. Yet, I am unable to get K to complete the wiring project he had been working on since he woke up. He refused to move on to the next event.

Everyone gets engrossed, and everyone must learn how to compartmentalise too

I got a little edgy, before I employed one of my most effective parenting tactic, while ensuring I maintain my cool.

It’s called “When You Are Ready”.

HOW TO DO IT

1. Pause to take a deep breath.

2. Visualise that I have full control of the situation. That whatever happens to plan or not, shall pass.

3. Sincerely tell kiddo, “when you are ready, we will move on… (or as required depending on situation)”

THE BEAUTY

The beauty of this simple tactic, is that I can stand off from the brewing frustration, and allow everyone (including myself) to learn to move on. It allows my kiddo to learn to regulate his emotions, the sequence of events in life, and pace himself out.

It can also be applied to other situations, such as teaching kiddo how to take turns when playing toys with other kids, when they are being “difficult”, or even having a melt-down (but if it’s because kiddo is over tired, then fixed that sleep/rest of her first!).

Sometimes, it takes no more than a couple of seconds before K moves on. At times, K may take up to a few minutes to regulate his emotions before moving on. What is important, is that he is truly done with it, and had learnt to handle his daily activities without being coerced into it, or forcefully shoved away from.

Invest in that few seconds or even minutes, and when they learn how to regulate their emotions and pace of life well, it will be all worth it =D

For that few minutes of space we give to our kiddo, in exchange for an easier kid and experience altogether for everyone to learn from, it is definitely an investment well worth.

Insight: We adults in fact like to take our own pace to complete what we are doing. Imagine being engrossed in a show we are interested in, and our partner drags us out of the house. Terrible feeling. The big difference is that we know the sequence of events that is going to unfold throughout the day, because we planned it and thus are able to appreciate time better. We can snap our minds around faster and move on. Our kids get engrossed just like us, yet have to lead a life based on our planning as adults. Until such time they learn to regulate, they are in the infant stage of learning this process.

SINCERITY

Watch our own emotions and intention. Use the phrase sincerely, for kiddo can feel if our (insincere) ulterior motive to rush them along. They can totally sense the stress, or lack of sincerity from us, with a puzzled look on their face. They are puzzled because we would say “take your time” and “when you are ready” etc, but we end up rushing them or losing our patience before they are ready. This happened a few times when I first started, and I observed that K was confused. It prompted me to be sincere with my words.

Be sincere. They will feel it, and they will emulate. Besides, bonding over activities can be so fun and rewarding for everyone =D

MEANWHILE

Meanwhile when kiddo is getting to be ready on his own, life goes on. I continue to prepare to go out or do my own things. I multi-task and get other things done instead of being embroiled in a roller coaster with him.

This indirectly shows him that life does not revolve around him.

I do confess that at times when I get lazy or am not the most patient, I use this almost too readily, because it’s so easy and K will move on with life quite effortlessly. And yes, I take myself out of having to watch over him intently and frustrating myself.

REINFORCE

Lastly, reinforce the fact that our kiddo managed to transition and move on on their own. That they managed to regulate and schedule their activity and was able to get things done on their own. Talk to our kiddo, DESCRIBE what they (managed to) did, and the little “success” they achieved (For example, say something like “I see that you took your time to do the colouring activity. When you were done, you kept the crayons back before moving on to pack your bag / put on your socks to go out”.)

Avoid “good jobs”, “you are so clever” and generic praises, because it does not help them learn what was done well.

–

Not only does this work on our young ones, this too can be applied to how we treat our family, friends, and other who we do not know.

Give everyone the time, space and opportunity to be ready, ON THEIR OWN.