Involved in a Extra Marital Affair episode, who brings the most suffering to us? (Part 2 of 3)
By Papa Leow • 3 minute read
Read Part 1 of 3 here if you have not. In Part 2 of 3, I continue to answer the question to the title of the Blog Post.
2. “I” IS THE ROOT OF ALL OUR WOES
In order to realise this, one has to be honest with himself, instead of being all defensive. Only when we are truthful, will we be able to accept the solution that will ultimately free us from the anguish.
In a extra marital affair, our suffering did not come from the fact that we love our partner still, and that he/she does not love us anymore. Our suffering came from one or more (non exhaustive) of the following reasons:
I have been betrayed
I lost to someone else
I have been cheated
I have been victimised/bullied
I have to face the world and the many issues etc
“I” is the issue. It is tough an idea to stomach. Let us be brave, rational, and honest. The truth is we care about ourselves more than anyone else. Our love for others, in face of such a piece of news or change of events, suddenly seems so limited and weak. All attention starts to turn to ourselves, and we have no ability to love others anymore.
3. KNOWING vs NOT KNOWING
If we never knew about the extra marital affair, there would be zero reaction generated.
Yet when we discover the extra marital affair, even if we no longer loved our partner, we end up in a state of anguish, hate, disappointment and what not.
Is there a difference to the act committed by the strayed partner, whether or not we know of the act? There is no difference at all.
Did the act committed cause pain to us, or did knowing about it cause the pain to us?
See, none of the occurrences in life truly brings about suffering (or happiness) to us. Occurrences are merely the result of many causes brought together intricately, presented in a form or another to us.
So what brings about our suffering?
Clearly, it is our INTERPRETATION of occurrences, so heavily biased by our love for ourselves, that causes our reactions and suffering.
Face with an extra marital affair by our partner, who brings us the most suffering? The answer is none other than ourselves. And in the very first place, our love for ourselves was what made us go out to look for love and comfort.
Until now, I did not and am not saying that any of these is Wrong. I merely observed these valid points about ourselves. When we understand ourselves better, and understand the root of the problem, we can then find a solution to fix it.
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Disclaimer: I do not advocate extra marital affairs, nor am I saying I condone such acts. Individuals who do so will have to bear the consequences of the wrong doings,
The key takeaway here is that we must reflect and see the root cause of our woes. While we can (and also cannot) control the external factors in life fully, we can have 100% absolute control of our thoughts, if we practice and hone our thinking enough through our daily lives.
